Allowing Yourself To Heal

I wrote the following over a decade ago. It was initially posted on an old blog and was written when I was struggling with my mental health. I am posting it here hoping that someone will find comfort in knowing they are not alone with these questions and feelings—especially the struggle to ask for help.

"Do you want to get better?"

It is such a simple question, with a simple yes or no answer, yet I can not answer when asked.

"Do you want to get better?"

I should answer yes; isn't that the no-brainer answer to the question? Then why does "yes" get caught in my throat?

"Do you want to get better?"

"No, no, I do not!" Maybe that's my answer, but it doesn't feel right; it feels like a rebellious teenager, a wounded dog, not the words of a grown woman.

"Do you want to get better?"

He asks the question so smoothly, with a smile and a glimmer in his eyes as if he can see my answer even before I know it.

"Do you want to get better?"

Do I? Maybe a little, but it scares me. It scares me to accept that I'm extraordinary when I strive to be ordinary.

When hiding in the shadows and being the silent observer is my comfort; and living, really living, scares me.

"Do you want to get better?"

Maybe; maybe I could be okay with success instead of shying away from it.

"Do you want to get better?"

Maybe...Yes, will you help me?

"Of course,"  he smiles.

  “Do not shy away from being ordinary when you are meant to be extraordinary.”

~Jodie Nicole~