4 Tips to Letting Go
I posted a piece I wrote years ago about letting go. It was short, sweet, and to the point, yet did not answer the question, How does one let go?
This concept can be easy when it concerns a relationship or situation that did not serve you. It gets more complicated when unresolved emotions, fear of being alone, or even love is involved.
I am the first to admit that I do not have all the answers, and I regularly dive down internet rabbit holes to make sense of things. I started diving into this topic when I realized I didn’t need to. Life has already shown me how to let go, and I was not paying attention. I have learned the following things about letting go, and I hope they help you, too.
1. Expectations and Hope can be misconstrued.
You hope your ex will show up on your doorstep with a ring like you live in a modern rom-com. When they do not. You feel disillusioned as hope fades and maybe even harbor feelings of anger or resentment.
Why? Because what you labeled as hope had actually been an expectation. You expected that your ex would realize the error of their ways and return. They did not, and you now feel wronged. These emotions have led to many Saturday night Psychological Thrillers and Court TV cases. It's thrilling for those watching, not so much for those involved, and honestly messed up all around.
Hope, when shattered, on the other hand, leads to grief, which is a healthy way to let go of a relationship.
2. Hope is a double-edged sword.
Hope is often defined as a positive thing. It is about desire and anticipation, trust and optimism, a desire for truth… Yet when it comes to Letting go, hope can strangle you. It is the final cord you are unable or unwilling to cut, thus defying the concept of letting go. To truly let go, you are also required to release the hope for a desired outcome.
3. “If you love something let it go.. if it comes back, it’s yours.” James Patterson
For a long time, I put stock into this idea. I would let someone go and feel a sense of glee when they returned, only to have that shift to disappointment when they left again. I had let them go, right? So they should be mine now, yet they are not; what gives?
The honest answer is I hung on to the hope that they would return and never actually let them go. Letting something go is not just about cutting the string and watching the kite fly away; it is also about continuing your life and taking a different path than the kite. Easier said than done, right?
4. Self-care, Self-care, Self-care.
I can see your face screw up at this. Self-care is a fun buzzword to throw around and is something that people claim that they do not have time for. YET is the most essential tool in your arsenal because it forces you to focus on yourself. This allows you to heal, especially when you are grieving.
To provide effective self-care, you need to take the time to listen to your body’s needs and wants. It can be as simple as lying on your bed and staring at the ceiling (a personal favorite when my rumbustious child has been driving me up a wall, and I literally do not have the energy to do anything else) or as grandiose as Elizabeth Gilberts Journey that lead to the book Eat, Pray, Love. Whatever you decide to do for self-care, make the most of it; you’ll thank yourself later.
Like most things in life, Letting go is a process. It can be the hardest or easiest thing you have ever had to do, and both options are ok. If you are struggling to let something go, I challenge you to take the hard road. A lot of the time, the easy way out only buries the issue, leaving you susceptible to it bubbling up again. Wouldn’t it be better to clear it out the first time around?
If you need help with this, let me know. I am open to helping you through this process.
Love and Light,
Jodie Nicole