STOP Skill
Writing is a hobby of mine. I often find myself penning silly stories or documenting observations and take pride in the finished work. So, when a former professor suggested that a paper I wrote was plagiarized, it took a lot to maintain my composure. As I type this, I feel my body reacting similarly to what I felt that day.
Why? It’s been years, so what gives?
Encoding, emotional encoding.
While this moment was not traumatic, the emotional response to this memory could lead to an adverse reaction if I allowed it.
Whether you have experienced trauma or not, intense emotions can trigger your fight-or-flight response. Which, in turn, prompts outbursts, disruptive behavior, emotional dysregulation, avoidance, and the continuation of bad habits.
Fight-or-flight is helpful for survival and can be damaging for relationships. For example, Karate chopping a partner’s throat because they asked you for the TV remote. A reaction that is uncalled for, damaging to the relationship, and may lead to legal ramifications.
Reactions do not respond to the here and now. They are reacting to a feeling, sensation, or fear that you experienced in the past. For example, a previous partner used to beat you with the TV remote.
Can you see how your past abuse involving the TV remote can lead to your current inappropriate reaction to a simple question?
So STOP reacting and start responding with the help of a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) skill.
S = Stop (stop what you are doing and give yourself a chance to slow things down)
T = Take a breath. (Focus on your breathing. This will help your brain reset)
O = Observe the situation. (Pay attention to internal sensations and your environment.
Ask yourself questions. Are my emotions appropriate for the current situation?
Once you have looked at the bigger picture, proceed to the next step.)
P = Proceed Mindfully (Mindfulness is about being in the here and now. It often requires you to let go of the past and ignore fears about the future. )
I stopped myself from reacting to my professor's assertion, a reaction that was initially triggered by previous moments when I was innocent of the accusations being presented. My earlier attempts at defense seemed to solidify my guilt; in this case, reacting as I had previously could have led to serious consequences. By STOPING and responding, a comment stays a comment.
None of this is easy. It takes practice to turn a reaction into a response. So why bother? Because according to Albert Einstien,
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
And, I am assuming that the reason you are reading my blog is because you want to make positive changes.
Contact me if you want help or support with these changes.
Jodie Nicole