Prof. Boundaries
Raise your hand if you are feeling the crunch of the economy, where you are barely scraping by. Over the last couple of weeks, I have had a string of people in my office with similar stories about how hard it is out there. If you're not experiencing this, then I'm genuinely happy for you. Unfortunately, I am feeling this crunch, especially after receiving another notice of a rent increase - the second one this year. Yet, when a client calls me rich or assumes I’m not impacted, all I can do is smile and nod; anything else would be inappropriate, even though I want to show them the muck on my pants and shoes and the dirt under my fingertips.
I bring this up because the professional boundary is an important part of my job. Week after week, I listen to my clients tell me about their hopes, fears, accomplishments, and some of the dirtiest, darkest stories you do not want to believe are real. If I were devoid of human emotions, hearing these things would only add to my data on how messed up the human species is. Yet, in my heart, I still have hope for humans and a sense of protectiveness over the people I serve. Sometimes, I see the possibilities of friendships that I know I can not have.
One of the most significant aspects of my role is creating a safe space where people feel comfortable enough to share their vulnerabilities and darkest secrets. The structure for this safe space is built on healthy boundaries and ethics, but I will discuss ethics in another post.
Healthy boundaries are critical in the professional space and life in general. When used poorly, they can be allusive; when used properly, they can be telling, especially regarding respect (self or otherwise). Showing a client the muck on my shoes and dirt under my fingernails would impact the safety of the session. It would turn the topic onto me and my worries and stresses, giving an easy out for clients who want to avoid themselves. On the flip side, not disclosing can affect trust, for trust can be built on a shared understanding, and it is within our genetic make-up to not trust the unknown.
Developing healthy relationships and attachments in a safe environment is a significant part of therapy. I can share your joy and offer you sympathy and compassion, but I can not publicly acknowledge you. I keep your secrets, but I'm not your friend. It is a complex and crucial dichotomy that I must navigate with utmost care and respect.
I am required to balance a fine line. While it can be difficult and sometimes lonely, it is worth it because seeing you change your life so thoroughly that you barely remember the hot mess that walked into my office is priceless.
Jodie