I’m Glad I Can-understand

I have been listening to the audiobook. “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jennette McCurdy. Ms. McCurdy read the audiobook, which adds an emotional element to the well-written words. At times, Ms. McCurdy’s voice cracks from her emotion. As I listen to the story, I get a feeling of “ick,” which is not typical for me because I expect to hear the worst of humanity, at least in my office.

As a therapist, it was easy for me to point out the abuse and attachment issues in Ms. McCurdy’s writing. Yet, I wonder how I would contextualize her story without my training and experience.

Would I understand or even notice her parentified behavior? Be able to pick out the patterns of love and uncertainty because the child does not understand the abusive situation she is in. Would I understand that the same child is attempting to fulfill a need they may not be consciously aware of? Then, there was the panic she felt when her therapist hit the nail on the head and began the process of deflating the bubble Ms. McCurdy had built up around her. A bubble of self-defense she fashioned as a young child to clarify the abuse she was experiencing from the person she loved most in the world, her mother. I’m unsure if I would have seen these things without my training and experience, and I am glad I can. Understanding the resulting behaviors, both in her and my clients, is key to being able to help others face their reality.

Ms. McCurdy’s panic when her therapist questioned her perception of reality is a typical response to the dissolving of the reality known/built over the years. While not everyone will take the same path as Ms. McCurdy, most will fall back into old, unhealthy habits. There is a feeling of safety with the familiar, even if the familiar can and will kill you.

As of this writing, I have not finished the book, yet this is not a book review. It acknowledges the strength and courage it takes to face reality. The good, bad, and ugly. I am sometimes in awe when I watch my clients do it, especially when they walk through that fire and come out the other side. There is magic in these types of transformations. Yet many people still allow the familiar and fear to rule their lives. I do not pity them; they will find that courage in time. (whether it is in this life or the next if you believe in that sort of thing.).

I do not know what reality Ms McCurdy currently faces; I know that she is courageous. I thank her for being vulnerable with her truth and offering the world a sliver of understanding into the not commonly talked about reality of emotional and mental child abuse. While also shedding light on the fact that you can and will heal as long as you are willing to face your reality. Connect with me if you are open to making a change.

~Jodie Nicole~